I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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