I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
