I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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