it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
