just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I could fuck to npr.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
