she looked like the before picture.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
