having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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