i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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