The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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