we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I intend to get homeless drunk
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
