I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
