what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
