It's Friday. Sex?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
