So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
