I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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