sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Randomize
