dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
