I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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