I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
