My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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