I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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