Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
