Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The air was thick with penises
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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