why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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