he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
