Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
