So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
