my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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