i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Two words: blizzard sex
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
