So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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