margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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