U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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