Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
