My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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