That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
