No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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