I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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