Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
