The maid of honor just puked.
She's JV to your varsity
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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