Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
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