I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
