Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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