Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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