dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
