Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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