i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
