don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
