I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
