He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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