I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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