Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
