No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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