You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She bit a glass in half.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's blow job season.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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